very easy way to forget all pains😀😃
A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct !
Read his answers and have a blast.
Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..
Ans. - In his Last Battle..
Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans. - At the Bottom of the Page..
Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
Ans. - Marriage..
Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans. - Liquid State..
Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
Ans.- On His Birthday..
Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake..!!
Q.7 - India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???
Awesome Reply By Student :- " Daaru K Glass Me..."
Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???
Answer :
Indian Constitution - Article 20(2)-says, "No man can be punished twice for the same offence..."
😝😀😀
***
A husband wrote in his friends WhatsApp group:👇
While cleaning the house I always find the money my wife has hidden...
This is the only thing that motivates me to do Diwali cleaning! 😊😊😊
*
On the other hand, his wife wrote in the WhatsApp group of her sisters:👇
I purposely keep a few rupees in some places of our house before Diwali.
My husband gets inspired after finding the hidden money and every year he cleans our house fully himself.
This is how the money of the house stays in the house and I do not have to do any of the Diwali cleaning...!! 😆😆😆
***
Lakshmi means cash or gold in real orthodox terms.
So when we buy a fridge or TV our cash balance gets reduced and hence Lakshmi is going out of home in reality.
So how to solve ?
Draw Cash from ATM on Sunday and bring home.
Lakshmi will stay in your home as long as you keep that Cash in home.🤔
***
Who said car names don't have meaning...???
FIAT: Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
HONDA: Hung Over, Now Driving Away.
BMW: Big Money Waste
AUDI : An unwanted debt invitation
Mercedes: Maximum enthusiasm , recurring cost, ego developed, eagerness to sell
MARUTI:.
Made According to Roads & Users Typically Indian.
*****
SHAKESPEAREAN SHAKESPEARE:
Who were the bride and the bridegroom?
Romeo and Juliet.
When did he propose?
Twelfth Night.
What did he say?
As you like it.
From where was the ring obtained?
The Merchant of Venice.
Who were the chief guests?
Antony and Cleopatra, Troilus and Cressida.
Who were the bridegroom's friends?
The Two Gentlemen of Verona.
Who prepared the wedding breakfast?
The Merry Wives of Windsor.
What was the honeymoon like?
A Mid Summer Night's Dream.
How would you describe their quarrel?
The Tempest.
What was their married life like?
Comedy of Errors.
What was the bridegroom's chief occupation?
The Taming of the Shrew.
What did she give him?
Measure for Measure.
What did their friends say?
All's Well that Ends Well.
What's the moral of this story?
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.
😁😁
Eat whatever you like because
The inventor of the sports treadmill has died at the age of 54
The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57
The world bodybuilding champion has died at the age of 41
The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60
Now ------
KFC inventor dies at 94
Investor of Nutella died at the age of 88
The inventor of Turkish shurmeh and Stake died at the age of 104
Inventor and cigarette maker Winston has died at the age of 102
The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake
Hennessy whiskey inventor dies at 98
The inventors of Afghani food( Qabeli, Manto and Chapli Kebab) are still alive.
How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?
The rabbit is always lively and lives for 2 years, but the turtle that does not get salty from its place is 400 years old.
Soooo,
Keep rest, eat, drink and enjoy ... till end of the world.
******
World Marriage Day. Let us keep 2 minutes silence and read some quotes of great personalities
Today is
World Marriage Day!!
A few interesting
GLOBAL OPINIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE :
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– Al Gore 😁
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates
Wife inspires us to great things and prevent us from achieving them.
– Mike Tyson 😁
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– Bill Clinton 😁
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– Michael Jordan 😁
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Barack Obama 😁
When you are in love,
wonders happen.
But once you get married, you wonder, what happened.
- Steve Jobs 😁
And
Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by Beautiful Deers.
- Brad Pitt 😁
Happy World Marriage Day !! 🎉🎊🎈
Gems from actual test papers from a British school.
1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
3. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
4. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
5. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
6. To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
7. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
8. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
9. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
11. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
12. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
13. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
14. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.
18. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
19. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Queen Elizabeth has now beaten her.
Now beat that! 😄
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled that the man who was talking to me when I was in the corner was the same man in the coffin!
For several years later, I was not able to sleep properly. With repeated nightmares and psychological disorder, I was terrified of being alone. I visited many psychologists. I didn't turn off the light at night and several other turmoil that I had to endure throughout my adolescent ages....
Years later I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
That dead idiot had a twin brother.
************
An Engineer dies but lands in Hell. He is talking with Yama & says, “What a terrible place !!! It’s very hot, dark, smoky”
Yama replies, “Well, what did you expect ??? this is the Hell !!!”
The engineer says “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire ???
Yama says, “Yeah, we might have some of that stuff around, I’ll check and see what I can find for you.”
Yama finds the stuff & the engineer starts designing improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, good lighting, flush toilets & escalators. The engineer is pretty popular!
One day God calls and tells Yama, “Say, we had a mix-up. I was checking records & discovered that by error an Engineer got sent down to you. He should have come to Heaven. All engineers go to Heaven. You need to transfer him up here.”
Yama says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, great lighting, and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next. We like him! We’re going to keep him.”
God is horrified. "That's clearly a mistake! He should never have gone down there in the first place! Send him up here immediately !!!"
Yama says, "No way! I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue you !!!”
Yama laughs, “Yeah, OK, good luck on that. Where are you going to find a lawyer ???"
🤔😂😆😝
*********
*
A good Santa Banta after a long time...
Santa : Ford kya hai?
Banta : Gaadi hai.
Santa : to phir Oxford kya hai?
Banta : Shayad Bailgaadi hai... 😅🤣🤣😂😂
*****
What is GENERATION GAP
Father used to walk 20 mins to save ₹20.
Son spends ₹20 to save 20 mins.
(Surprisingly both r correct !)
-----------------------------------------------------
Cultural Gap
If electricity goes in America they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But In India, they check neighbour's house, "power gone there too, then ok !" 😀
-----------------------------------------------------
Sense of Responsibility
A man goes to library n asks for a book on Suicide. Librarian looks at him & says: "hello who will return the book ?"
-----------------------------------------------------
Grandfather to Grandson:
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as u bunked school today!
Grandson: U go hide I told her you passed away! 😛
-----------------------------------------------------
Sister to brother: What r u going to gift grandma on her b'day?
Brother: A football
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my B'day she gave me Bhagavat Gita. 😜
-----------------------------------------------------
Don't laugh alone pass it on.😃
**********
Rajni joke 😃
Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachchan one day, “
You know, I know everyone.
Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.
Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachchan called his bluff, “OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it” Rajini said.
So Rajini and Amitabh Bachchan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door,
And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: “Thalaiva! Great to see you!
You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!”
…Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else” Rajini says
…”President Obama”, Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts
…”Yes”, Rajini says, “I know him.
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him,
saying, : “Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting,
but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up”.
Well, Amitabh Bachchan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else.
“The Pope,” Amitabh Bachan replies
…”Sure!” says Rajini, “My folks are from Italy and I’ve known the Pope a long time”.
Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says,
“This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what,
I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough,
half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Amitabh Bachan’s side, Rajini asks him, “What happened?”
Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, “I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,
“Who’s that on the balcony with Rajini?”
😂😄
**************
Funny Ads
1. Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap....... .
..no strings attached.
2. Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
3. On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.
4. Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.'
5. Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way....
6. Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.
7. The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions..
8. Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.
9. Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone
10. The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
11. Sign At A Barber's Saloon in Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..
12. Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
***
One employee of the navy goes to his boss and asks for leave. "Sir, my wife is pregnant and is unable to do the household work. I think I must go there and help her. Please give me one week's leave."
The boss says, "It is just the last evening that your wife telephoned me and asked not to send you home under any circumstances. She said that every time you go home, you get drunk and create nuisance. So, your leave is not granted.."
The employee said, "OK sir," and started to leave...
But paused at the door he said, " Sir I've one more point."
The boss said, "OK, go on."
"Sir, Don't you think we two are the best liars in the world", he said.
"Why do you say so ?" inquired the boss.
"I am not married yet sir."
***
Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.
So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed
I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psychiatrist.
"Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
'$200 per visit,' replied
the doctor.
'I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you,'
Robert said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, $200 a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and a bottle of coke.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV".
'Is that so!' with a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?'
He told me to
"Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."
Moral:
TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS..
GO TALK TO YOUR friend.
There is always an INDIAN way to solve a difficult problem...
😜😀😀
****
😁 Humour
I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in.
She said - Cheque books duly signed.
😄😅
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new cars.
😁😄
Q: What's the difference between
a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law.
B: A great lawyer knows the judge.
😅😁
Definition of Nurse :
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute
and then expects your pulse to be normal.
😧😁
Boss:- We are very keen on cleanliness.
Did you wipe your feet on the mat
as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness.
There is no mat.
😧😄
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
😛😄
Q: What's the similarity
between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so throughout your life.
😎😧
What's the difference between a good secretary and
a personal secretary?
One says "Good morning, boss".
The other says "It's morning, boss."
😃😃😃
****
Mercedes for Sale @ Rs1/-
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for Rs1/-
She handed him the papers and the car keys.
Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said, "I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied, "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary ..."
Wives are Wives, in life, after death too...🤣🤣🤣
***
I love this Story, 😂😂😂😂😂😂
A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?😕"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote."
Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies.....🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍
The story continues....😏
The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.
He said, "your husband has blocked your credit card.........."😲😲😲😲😲😲
MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒
Story continues....
Wife took out her husband's credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral: Don't underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..
Story continues...
After swiping, the machine indicated, 'ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE'.......
Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!
Story continues....
She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.
It was her husband's phone showing the forwarded SMS.
She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn't call her during her shopping.
She bought her items and returned home happily.
Moral: Don't underestimate a desperate woman!😷😷😷😷😷
Story continues....
On getting home, his car was gone.😈😈😈😈😈
A note was pasted on the door
"Couldn't find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something".😇😇😇😇
Dawn... He left with the house key too.
😂😂😂😂
*Moral: Don't try to control your husband.
You will always lose😯
****
Who are lizards?
Awesome answer
by a kid....
They are those poor crocodiles who forgot to have Horlicks when they were young.
➖➖➖➖➖➖😃
What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a oothappam that went
abroad for higher education
➖➖➖➖➖➖😃
What's the best example of "once in a
lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:😛
➖➖➖➖➖➖😃
A little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked, "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, No, he always minded his own business!
😜😂
Another Good One😃
Son: Dad there's a small get together at school tomorrow !!!
Father: Small get together.? ..How small ?
Son: Only me...you... and Principal ...
***
Not easy to be a Teacher
😅😅😂😂🤣🤣😅😂🤣😜
Teacher: ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
Pupil: ''I drank tea this morning.''
Teacher: ''Where is the word sugar.''
Pupil: ''It is already in the tea..!!''
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
TEACHER : Class, what is photosynthesis?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic for today.
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with 'Mangoes')
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don't call them, they come on their own...
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : Name the nation, people hate most
Student: Exami-nation...
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home...
Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
Student: Future impossible tense...
***
What is PYAAR ?
Its a
group
of
friends
sitting in a BAR
with glasses in hand and saying--
"P" "YAAR".🥃🥃🥃
***
Rajesh and his wife Sheila were flying to Australia to celebrate their anniversary, when suddenly, over the PA system, the Pilot announces :
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have failed and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as it is a totally unknown island. So we may have to live on the island for the rest of our lives !"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later after deep thought, Rajesh turns to his wife and still shaken from the crash landing, asks :
"Sheila, have we paid our Credit Card dues yet ?"
"Oh, No ! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,"
"And did you send the cheque for the auto loan this month ?" he asks.
"Oh ! Forgive me, Rajesh," begged Sheila. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajesh grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 15 years. Sheila pulls away and asks him, "So, why are you kissing me ?"
Rajesh : "We are Saved !!
HDFC & ICICI will find us !" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
********
😂About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy.
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal.
He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community.
If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay.
If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.
The Sardars realized that they had no choice.
So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them.
Harbinder asked for one condition to the debate - neither side would be allowed to talk.
The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came.
Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Harbinder pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said,
"I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Holy Trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.
Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here.
I told him not one of us was leaving.
Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars
I let him know that we were staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine...!!!"😃😃😂😂
********
Rajesh took a selfie with a pressure cooker on the stove. Put it on Face book with a query ...'wife is out for a few days, how to make tea and how many cooker whistles?'
He got many helpful replies.
Venku: Cooker comes with one whistle, why do you want more whistles?
Ramu: What a buffoon! you don't need a cooker to make tea, take a kadai.
Chethu: soak tea leaves in water for two hours, add milk and boil. One whistle is enough.
Sunny: whistle? Your head. Go near the window and whistle. Neighbour's wife might offer you one tea.
Bunny: Wife is out and you want tea? Are you out of your mind. Get soda and whisky, then whistle, I'll come.
Ha ha ha ha 😂😂😂
**********
Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.
So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, "You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens," he said to the local police officer.
"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"
So again, they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
In order to get Farmer John off his back said "Sure. Put up your own sign.
The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer,
so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.
The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a look at the sign.
He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..
So he drove out to Farmer John's house.
His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
'NUDIST COLONY'
'Slow down and watch out for chicks!'😀😀
***************
A king had 10 wild dogs.He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all… So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said, "I served you loyally 10 years and you do this..?
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded: "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs"
The king agreed.
In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days…
The guard was baffled… But he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them.
So when the 10 days were up…
The king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw..the dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister..licking his feet.
The king was baffled at what he saw. ” what happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled.
The minister then said; "I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service… I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”…
The king realised his mistake and Replaced the dogs with crocodiles 🐊!!
Moral : Once Management has targeted you ...that's final...
**********
Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test. The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside
External 😌:- Suppose you are travelling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?
Student😌:- I will open the window.
External 🤪:- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment is 12 m3, the train is travelling at 80 km/hr in a Westerly direction and the speed of the wind is 5 m/s from the South, then how much time will it take for the compartment to get cold?
The student can't answer, so he is marked fail and he comes out. After coming out he tells that question to the second student.
The second student goes in and his viva starts.
External 😊:- Suppose you are travelling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?
2nd Student 😌:- I will remove my coat.
External 🤨:- It still is hot, then what?
Student😌:- I will remove my shirt.
External (angrily) 😤:- If it still is hot, then what will you do?
Student😌:- I will remove my pant.
External (Fuming) 😡:- And what if you die due to the heat?
Student:- I don't care even if I die, But i won't open that window...😎
****************
👊👊👊👊👊😂
Wife: I hate you.
Husband: What a co-incidence..!!!
😆😂😆😂😂😂
NOW, THIS IS TOO MUCH !!
A husband takes photograph of his wife and then declares himself to be a "WILD-LIFE" PHOTOGRAPHER !!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
A smart wife's note for the husband :
I am going out with my friends for dinner. Your dinner is in the recipe book, on page 25 and ingredients are available at reliance Fresh.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Wife: "Darling Let's Enjoy our Saturday and Sunday"!
Husband: "Good Idea!, Let's meet on Monday....!"
😂😂😆😂😂😂
Boss to his friend: Kya zamana aaya hai. My secretary resigned yesterday.
Friend: Why?
Boss: She cfaught me with my wife in coffee shop
😜😝👌🏽
**********
At a dinner party, the guest of honour was about to deliver his speech, when his wife, sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “ KISS " scribbled on it.
A guest seated next to the speaker said, “ So your wife has sent you
a kiss for good luck. She must be loving you very much.”
The speaker replied , "You don’t know my wife. The letters stand for
Keep It Short, Stupid”. 😍😍😍😍
*****************
Astrologer -" Your palm says there is a lot of wealth under your house! But it will not be of any use to you. "
'Perfectly said, Pandit ji, just below my flat is
"State Bank of India".'
😊🤣
****
I went to a
Gujrati Wedding reception
where at Ice Cream/Dessert
counter they were putting a
TILAK on the forehead.
.
When I congratulated them
for this practice, the man at
the counter said, it is no
such sacred practice.
This is only to ensure that
YOU don't come for a
second ICE CREAM.
🤣😂🤣😂
😁😁😁😁
.
Always Gujju's
business mind Rocks...
😜😜😜😜
****
How the score of 36 was scored differently in #Cricket Matches
#SunilGavaskar scored 36 runs in 60 overs.
#YuvarajSingh scored 36 runs in 1 over
#TeamIndia scored 36 runs in 1 innings.
What can you learn here from an investing point of view ?
1) Like Gavaskar innings, sometimes your Investment can give you lesser returns for a prolonged tenure
2) Like Yuvaraj, sometimes your investment can deliver highest returns in least possible time.
3) Like team India, sometimes all your assets can perform terribly.
However in spite of these, Gavaskar was one of the finest batsman, Yuvaraj was a great player and Team India ranks at the Top.
Mutual Funds and Cricket are Subject to Market Risks.
😎
Author unknown !!
******
One Gentleman was telling that he has been listening to the Teachings of the Geetha regularly for the last 35 years & lives accordingly. 💐💐👌
My heart was filled with respect for him. Then a man sitting next to me said in my ear.👇👇🤭
Geetha is his wife's name!😂🤗🤔
**
Think U are sitting in front of computer, what computer will think...???
Do you know...???
Intel Inside
Mental outside.....
*********
You are standing in front of fridge....
What fridge will think....
Do you know....???
Cool inside
Fool outside...
********
Think you are standing outside race course....
What race course will think....
Do you know...???
Ghoda inside
Gadha outside.....
******
Think you are using whatsapp ,
What will whatsapp think...???
Do you know...???
Jokes inside,
Joker outside...!!!!
****
When trouble starts in your life, all your friends & relatives will stand with you...! 🙆🙆😯
If you don't believe...check your wedding album...!
*********
A Woman Sends a Text to Her Husband
“Honey, don't forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your Girlfriend Valerie greets you.”
Husband:Who is Valerie?
Wife:Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw my text.
Husband: But I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?
Wife:What??! Where are you?
Husband: Near the neighborhood bakery.
Wife:Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
Wife:I’m at the bakery, where are you?
Husband: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery , buy the bread !
😂🤣🤣😂😂😂
*****************
***********
CONTEMPORARY JOKES
🦸🏻♂- Not even in my wildest dreams, I imagined myself entering a Bank, wearing a mask and asking for money.
✋🏻🤚🏻- Never thought my hands, will one day consume more alcohol than my liver...never!
💀- Quarantine seems like a Netflix series...just when you think its over, they release the next season.
😷- I’m starting to like this mask thing... I went to the supermarket and saw two people I owe money to, they didn’t recognize me.
📆- Who was complaining that 2020 didn’t have enough holidays...happy now?!!!
😜- I need to social distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive in excess weight!
👨👩👧👦- can someone tell me if the 2nd quarantine will be with the same family...
or can we change?
🖥- In just two weeks, we will hear if there are still two more weeks to let us know, that two more weeks of quarantine are needed...
⏳- I’m not planning adding this 2020 to my age...I didn’t even use it!
😟- We want to publicly apologize to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it.
🙎🏻♀- To all the ladies who were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them... how are you doing?
🚰- My washing machine only accepts pyjamas...I put a pair of jeans and a message came back, “stay home”!😷🏠
👀- If I see anyone on December 31 crying for this year ending, I will slap their face!
💉- After all that we have been through, the only thing missing is that the vaccine will be available only in suppository form.
👨🦱👩🏼🦱- I feel like a teenager... no money in my wallet, hair long and out of control, thinking what to do with my life, and grounded home.
Smile, release stress and be safe! 😉
******************
Your Wife Is Your Wife
A married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them...
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted "I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at a dog, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog.
No one else can MIS-UNDERSTAND a Husband better than a Wife !!
😂😂😉😉😎😎🤣🤣🤣
**********
Clever Signages!!
😂😂😂
A sign in a shoe repair store: "We will heel you, We will save your sole,
We will even dye for you!"
Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office : "Dr. George, at your cervix";
At an Eye Clinic : "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”;
On a Plumber's truck : "We repair what your husband fixed”;
On an Electrician's truck : "Let us remove your shorts”;
In a Non-smoking Area : "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action”;
On a Maternity Room door : "Push. Push. Push.”;
At a Car Dealership : "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”;
At the Electric Company : "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”;
In a Restaurant window : "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;
In the front yard of a Funeral Home : "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”;
Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck :
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
**********
Men..... Never be impatient
My wife & me had an big argument and we were on "no talk" terms for the last three days...
Finally wife said .....
"Now ... I count till 10 .. if you don't talk to me ... I'll go to my parent's home...!"
She started counting ...
Wife - 1..2..3 ...
I - .. (silent) ... !!!
Wife - 4...5 ...
I - .... (quiet).
Wife - 6...7...
I - (very happy .. but calm ..)
Climax building up...
Wife - 9....
I - (cheerful in mind ...)
Wife ........
(Quiet)
...
(Quiet)
...
...
Then with controlled excitement I spurted out ....
"Count...count .. why don't you count further.... ??"
..
..
Wife- Thank God ... !!!
You spoke .... otherwise I would have left ... !!
(From Autobiography - "Heavy Penalties of Impatience"...)
***********
Height of mis-understanding
A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before !!
**********
Why do husbands watch cricket matches on TV in pubs, bars and hotels instead of watching it in the comfort of their homes?
Just read this👇👇
You won't ask it again!!😋😇
A couple 👫 watching an IPL 🎾 match on the TV 💻 together. After five minutes:
Wife: Is that Bret Lee?
Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.
Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies 😆 like his brother.
Husband: 😨 He does not have an actor brother
Wife: Then What about Bruce Lee?😄
Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian
Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No. It is called action replay😫.
Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkata 😔
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter🚡.
Husband: 😭😭😭He is not calling for a helicopter. It’s a free hit. 😜
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ‘ free’ hit?
Husband:😨😰
Wife: Now whom is he saying ‘HI’ to?
Husband: He is signalling a ‘Bye’.
Wife: Why is he saying ‘Bye’. Is the game over😆😆😆?
Husband:🙏😰
Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls
Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball
Husband turns off the TV!!!😂😂😂.
Wife turns it on and watches Bharathi Kannamma
😅😅😅
Husband: Who is this Kannamma?
Wife: Your mum....😡😡😡
How many times have I told you..
DO NOT disturb me when m watching TV..
Husband: 😳😳😳
****************
In a Lighter Vein! 😂😂😂
Truisms !
1.Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
2. I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."
3.Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
4.I'm great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
5.If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
6.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
7.Take my advice — I'm not using it.
8.Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
9.Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
10. I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
11.Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
12.If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
13.A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
14.Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
15.When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.
16.My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test. The other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
17.There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
18.Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
19.Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
20.He who laughs last thinks slowest.
21.Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
22.Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
23.I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
24.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25.The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.
😀😬😋
***********
Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker.
Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found u Newton !! Thhappa !!!
Newton: U are Wrong.
I am not Newton.
As I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am Newton/per mt sq.
So I am Pascal..
Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got so many degrees".
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium dating together?
OMg!!
What if Oxygen went on a date with Potassium?
Its OK..
Atom 1: I just lost an electron.
Atom 2: how u feel?
Atom 1: positive.
Q:What do you get when you put a Cobalt & 2 iron atoms in mixer
CoFFee.
What do you get after reaction of a Barium atom with two sodium atoms...
BaNaNa.
Can't end without a movie dialogue.
Electron to neutron : mere pass charge hai , spin hai, magnetic field hai, reactivity hai ... Tumhare pass kya hai...
Neutron : mere pass.....
MASS hai.
Revisiting science with a smile.
************
Chairman of Microsoft after receiving the following letter from an African Man (you can say a tamilian/kannadiga/ maharashtrian/bihari/punjabi etc in a village)..🤪
"Dear Sir,
I haf some kweshin to ask:
Namba Wan - The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?
Namba Too - There is a 'Start' button but no 'Stop' button, where is it?
Namba Tree - I have already learned Microsoft Word, when will you launch Microsoft Sentence?
Namba Por - There is a recycle bin but... There is no one who comes to collect the bin.
Pynali ..eh fersonal question: Why is your name Gates when you sell Windows?"
🤣😂😂🤣
***************
The airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix!
However, one smart flight attendant had an idea.
About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how this happened but we have 103 passengers on board and only 40 dinners!"
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/her meal for someone else, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight!"
🍺 🍷 🥃 🥂 🍻
Her next announcement came two hours later :
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 40 meals available!"
**********
Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's soap.
Doctor: Paste?
Patient: K. P. Namboodiri's paste
Doctor: Shampoo?
Patient: - K. P. Namboodiri's shampoo.
Doctor: Is K.P. Namboodiri an international brand?
Patient: No.
K. P. Namboodiri is my Roommate !
😄
A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’?
Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.
“Even after 70 years, you still call your wife
"Darling, Honey, Love".
What’s the secret?
Old man: I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.
😋
After making call, he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing.
Hell to hell is Free.
😋
"Today is a fine day"
Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day,
he says same thing.
Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband – since last one week, you are saying this “Today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day.”
I was just trying to remind
📢📢
😆
Exmnr- wht iz microsoft excel ?
Sardar - i thnk it iz a new brand of surf excel to clean d computer..
😂
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.
The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Superb 😳😃
*********
Women are so difficult . Always changing their minds..
At 18, they want handsome men.
At 25, they want mature men.
At 30, they want successful men.
At 40, they want established men.
At 50, they want faithful men. At 60, they want helpful men.
Men are very simple .. they never change their taste...for any changing condition in their lifes.
At 18, they like pretty young girls.
At 25, they like pretty young girls.
At 30, they like pretty young girls.
At 40, they like pretty young girls.
At 50, they still like pretty young girls At 60, stll they like pretty young girls.
Even at 70 & 80 when they can barely move, they still like pretty young girls
😂😂😂
Dedicated to all Men for their constant behavior.
**********
Everyday with a hostel canteen provides khichdi for breakfast. 80 students complained to hostel warden, and asked to change breakfast....😏😏
Only 20 out of 100 students love khichdi.
And these students wanted Khichdi everyday. 😋😋😋.
Remaining 80 students wanted change.😝
Warden chose democracy to fix breakfast issue by vote!!
Those 20 students who loved...Khichdi & Voted for khichdi.
There was no harmony between remaining 80 people between each other. And didn't even have a conversation. With intelligence and wisdom they voted according to individual interest.
* 18 chose dosa,
* 16 paranthas,
* 14 has bread,
* 12 Bread Butter,
* 10 Noodles, and
* 10 voted for the entire vegetable.
Now think what happened 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Even today in that canteen these 80 students eat only khichdi daily.
Why? because those 20 students are in majority and united
Do you see some similarity with Hindus & 80 students ?
***************
Student- mentally affected teacher harassing student
😫
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”
😄
Prize winning joke of the year-
😄😜😉
A man asked
Actor Vijayakanth,
"why Nareandra modi goes walking at evening not in the morning". Vijayakanth replied ''Brother, Modi is PM, not AM' ' 😁
A Beautiful Lady was Kissing a Lion inside a Cage in a Circus..!!
Ring Master Challenged :- Can Anyone Do it???
Punjabi :- Main Aata Hu, Par Pahle Lion ko Hatao. ...!!!
This is What Is Called "Out of the Box Thinking"
😜🥳🕺
***************
A
How BEDROOM smells after MARRIAGE:
First 3 years....
Perfumes, Flowers,
Chocolate,
Fruits...
������������
After 3 years....
Baby Powder, Johnson's Cream and Lotions,
Baby Oils....
������������
After 15 years....
Tiger balm, axe oil, methylsalicilate ointment
Vicks,
������������
After 40 years....
Spiritual books, watching Tv alone
������������
Four stages of marriage:
��Mad for each other,
�� Made for each other,
�� Mad at each other &
�� Mad because of each other
������������
What's Marriage?
Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans, that Destroys All The Six Senses and Makes The Person NON Sense..!
������������
Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants
������������
Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command....
Husband:
Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband..!!
������������
This is a masterpiece..
Boss : So tell me young man, on which occasions have you realised that you are important to organization and organization cannot function without you???
Me : "Sir, whenever I asked for leave"!!
😂😂😂😂
*****
'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
- Shakespeare
"Laughing At your Wife's Mistakes, can SHORTEN your Life...."
- Shakespeare's Wife
�������������
Dont laugh alone,
LAUGH WITH YOUR WIFE
😄😄😄😄😜😜
*******
Very touching story .... A man purchased a Royal Enfield Bullet 350cc .. so that he could take his girlfriend for long drives. But unfortunately, he was not able to hear his girlfriend's voice while riding on it because of the loud Bullet sound. He got fed up and sold his Bullet n bought Honda Activa. He got married to his girlfriend and one year later .... . He sold the Activa and bought a Royal Enfield Bullet 500 cc Again.
************
The boy asks his grandpa one question while on the way back from school....
What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend?'
Grandpa thought for a minute and Simplified the explanation like this ;
Listen Child,
Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.
At home you watch TV,
but when you go out you take your MOBILE.
Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your MOBILE.
TV is (as good as) free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy, replaceable and portable.
Operational costs for TV is often acceptable
but for the MOBILE, it is often high and demanding.
TV has a remote
but MOBILE doesn't.
Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV, you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)!😝
Last but not least!
Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILES often do😂
And mobiles can be easily hacked or stolen.
Take Care
Stick to TV only
Issued in Public interest!
😃😂😄
********
A Catholic Priest was dying in a hospital and asked the doctor to call a Police Officer & a politician .Within minutes, the two appeared. He asked them to sit on either side of the bed. The priest held their hands n kept quiet. The guys were so touched and at the same time felt very important for being summoned by a priest in his dying moment. Out of anxiety, the politician asked, 'But why did you call us? ' The priest gathered all his strength and said, 'Jesus died between two thieves.....I want to go the same way!!!
*******
A Coffin Maker was on his way to Deliver one of his Coffins one Night when his Car Broke Down. Trying not to be Late, he put the Coffin on his Head and began Heading to his Destination.
Some Policemen saw him and Wanted to MAKE some EASY Money off him (BRIBE) so they asked him...
"Hey, what are you Carrying and where are you Going???"
The Man Replied...
"I did not Like where I was BURIED so I am RELOCATING" . . .
🔥😳😱😛
The Policemen FAINTED....!
*******
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
When Rahul Gandhi heard it, he said "Both of them are idiots. Why can't the scientists plan to land the man on the day of the Solar eclipse"? Whole World was in splits because India has a genius unparalleled.
😀😀😀
********
YOU CAN'T WIN WITH WOMEN😞😂
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE) , he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SHARE THIS WITH SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !
(¨`·.·´¨) Alwayz
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·´😅😬😁😀
*******
Enough jokes on wives. Now something for husband...😉
A new metal is added to chemistry:
• Name - Husband
• Symbol - Hb
• Atomic weight:
- Light when found
first
- Tends to get heavier
over the years with
time
• Physical properties:
- Boils at any time
with inlaws
- Can freeze in front
of his own family
- Melts if sees other
women
- Very bitter if
questioned
• Chemical properties:
- Very reactive
- Highly unstable
- Possesses strong
resistance to gold,
silver, diamond,
platinum, credit
cards and cheque
books
- Money saving agent
• Occurrence:
- Mostly found in
front of TV, Laptop & Mobile.
😛😝😜.
✒...if we lose a pen, we can buy new one; but if we lose a pen cap, we cannot buy it...so love your husband, because all Dhakkans are important 😝😝😜😜
Always keep your husbands picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: if I can handle this, I can handle anything!...
😛 😂😜
📢 Finally -Living with husband is a part of living.........but living with the same husband for years is 'art of living'!!!!!!! 😜😊😍😂😘
Cheers to all women.😄
********
Best Slogans..... 👍👍👍
1. Sign on a railway station at Dadar :
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khaana free....
2. Sign on a famous beauty parlor in Bandra :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here....
She may be your grandmother....
3. Sign on a bulletin board at Churchgate :
Success is relative, More the success.....,
More the relatives........
4. Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Mumbai :
We need your heads to run our business...
5. A traffic slogan at Santacruz :
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be old.....
6. THE BEST ONE BY INDIAN ARMED FORCES at Haji Ali Worli :
It's God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations....
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them & God..….
Positive communication...👏👏👏
Have a great day...🙏🙏
********
OFFICER:- What is your name?
🧑🏻Manoj :- M.P. sir
👳♀OFFICER:- In full please
🧑🏻Manoj :- Manoj Pandey
👳♀OFFICER:- Your father's name?
🧑🏻Manoj:- M.P. sir
👳♀OFFICER:- What does that mean?
🧑🏻Manoj:- Madan Pandey
👳♀OFFICER:- Your native place?
🧑🏻Manoj: M.P. sir
👳♀OFFICER:- What's that?
🧑🏻Manoj:- Madhya pradesh
👳♀OFFICER:- What is your qualification?
🧑🏻Manoj:- M.P.
👳♀OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!
🧑🏻Manoj:- Matric Pass
👳♀OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?
🧑🏻Manoj:- It is because of M.P. sir
👳♀OFFICER: Meaning?
🧑🏻Manoj:- Money Problem
👳♀OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
🧑🏻Manoj: MP sir.
👳♀OFFICER: And what is that?
🧑🏻Manoj:- Marvelous Personality
👳♀OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
🧑🏻Manoj:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?
👳♀OFFICER:- And what's that again?
🧑🏻Manoj:- My Performance.
👳♀OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.
🧑🏻Manoj:- Meaning? Sir!!!
👳♀OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
...🤪🤫
Don't laugh alone. 😃
Send this to M.P.
(Many People)
*********
Husband —� 😡😡😡😡 How many times told you not to look at mobile while cooking?
No Salt and tamarind in the rasam
Wife —� How many times told you not to watch mobile when you eat? ......It is not rasam but you added water to rice
😂😂
**********
Judgement
Closing the divorce and alimony case of Santa Singh vs Preeto Kaur:
Judge : I have reviewed this case carefully and have decided to give your wife an alimony of Rs. 50,000 per month.
Santa Singh: That's very fair and kind of you, Your Honor. And whenever possible, I'll also try to give her some money, myself...
********
✨Mental Venkat
Venkat went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
😀
Venkat standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
😃
On romantic date Venkat gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'
😀
Venkat found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
what ever u order first will come first.
😀
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Venkat
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
😀
What does Venkat do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
😀
Venkat& wife buy coffee in a shop.
Venkat: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Venkat: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
😀
Manager asked Venkat at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Venkat replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
😃
After returning back from a foreign trip, Venkat asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Venkat: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
😁😉
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Venkat writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
😖😠
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Venkat: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
😝😜✌
Venkat: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Venkat: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
🙌👉😝😁
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Venkat : "All are born on government holidays...!!!
😭😂✨
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Venkat : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
👏✋😜😝✨
**********
A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"
The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?"
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!"
A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: " now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?"
Husband replied:
"I don't have to get into the water, my mom knows to swim, she will save you."
Wife refused to relent: "No, you have to jump into the water, and have to save one of us". Whom will you save ?
Husband replied: "Then you will surely die.... because I don't know to swim .... and my mom will definitely save me first."
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Twist in story
😆😆😆
***
Queen sent the Britons to set up
East India Company
and rule India thru Viceroy.
Modi is sending Amit Shah to UK to set up
West India Company😈
and rule Britain thru PIO Prime-minister.
😝😝😝😝😝😝
British appointed Gandhi as
Father of the nation.
Modi appointed Narayan Murthy as
Father-in-law of the nation.
😛😛😛😛😛😛
After Rishi Sunak becomes PM of UK...
Akshata Murthy,
Narayan Murthy
Sudha Murthy
will move into PM residence
10 Downing Street.
Then Modi will rename it
TEEN MURTHY BHAVAN
😂😂😂😂😂😂
****
THIS IS HOW MEN ORGANISE THEIR MEET ON WHATSAPP.
Man 1: Hey guys, when are we going to meet?
Man 2: Thursday at 8 pm at the “Man 9” house.
Man 1: Okay, what do we take?
Man 9: I buy the pizza and drinks, then we split.
Man 5: Ok
Man 1: Ok
Man 3: Ok
Man 2: Ok
Man 4: Ok
Man 6: Ok
Man 7: Ok
Man 8: Ok
Man 10: Ok
Man 11: Ok
Man 12: Ok
Man 13: Ok
Man 14: Ok
Man 15: Ok
END OF CONVERSATION
* ................................... *
WOMEN ORGANISING A BBQ ON WHATSAPP
Woman 1: Hi guys, when are we going to meet and have a BBQ?
Woman 2: Thursday at 8 pm?
Woman 3: Where?
Woman 2: I don't know
Woman 4: Where girls?
Woman 4: If you want you can come to Mom's house
Woman 2: Wouldn't it be better to go to a restaurant?
Woman 5: No, in a house it's better, so we don't spend so much and we have more time
Woman 2: Ok by me
Woman 3: Ok
Woman 5: Ok
Woman 4: Ok
Woman 6: Okay what? Restaurant or home?
Woman 2: House
Woman 7: Restaurant
Woman 2: Let's go to Woman 4's house then
Woman 3: Okay, what do we take?
Woman 8: Does anyone know how to braai?
Woman 2: I'm excited 👏🏻👏🏻
Woman 6: What will we buy?
Woman 2: Let's make a list
Woman 8: Ok
Woman 4: A little meat and salad, what do you think?
Woman 5: Well I'm on a diet so I'm going to eat only lettuce and tomatoes
Woman 2: Okay, then?
Woman 1: I'll make a list and each one says what they can bring
Woman 2: Greek salad
Woman 3: Quinoa
Woman 4: Sausage and potatoes
Woman 5: Lettuce, tomato and some vegetables for another salad
Woman 1: Okay, how much?
Woman 6: I don't know
Woman 2: 5 sausages?
Woman 2: Who eats sausage?
Woman 2: I don't
Woman 5: I don't
Woman 7: I don't
Woman 3: I don't
Woman 4: I don't
Woman 8: I don't
Woman 1: Okay, I won't buy sausage then
Woman 2: But you, Woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don't eat it?
Woman 4: Because I had put myself in the shoes of someone who eats sausage
Woman 1: Ok, no sausage then
Woman 1: Sosaties and steak, 1 kilo and 1 kilo, okay?
Woman 7: It seems little
Woman 1: How much then?
Woman 2: I don't know
Woman 2: Girls? What do you think?
Woman 8: I think it's half a kilo per person
Woman 4: How many are we?
Woman 1: I don't know. Girls, confirm who's going
Woman 2: I will
Woman 3: I will
Woman 5: I will
Woman 6: I will
Woman 7: I will
Woman 8: I will
Woman 9: I will
Woman 10: I will
Woman 11: I will
Woman 4: When is it?
Woman 2: Thursday?
Woman 4: I can't, I have a doctor's appt
Woman 2: What bad luck, we don't have a venue for the braai then?
Woman 4: Sorry girls, the reminder for this appointment just rang
Woman 1: What other house is available?
Woman 8: How many are we?
Woman 2: 10
Woman 3: It doesn't fit in my house
Woman 5: Not mine either
Woman 6: Not mine either
Woman 7: Much less in mine
Woman 8: Not mine either
Woman 9: Not mine either
Woman 10: In mine it may... but I need chairs, can someone bring?
Woman 2: Woman 11 has a chair rental shop, she can take
Woman 5: But she doesn't answer, she must be working
Woman 9: I don't eat sausage
Woman 2: We still need to find a venue
Woman 12: Sorry girls, I just got on the phone, what happened?
Woman 2: * We are still looking for a venue
Woman 12: Come to my house, no stress
Woman 2: Ok, excellent
Woman 12: Wait ... what day?
Woman 2: Thursday at 8 pm
Woman 12: Huummmmm that complicates things ... can it be on Wednesday?
Woman 2: Fine by me
Woman 2: Same time?
Woman 2: Yes?
Woman 3: I will
Woman 4: I will
Woman 5: I have to take Gabi to her grandmother's house, but I can go later after she falls asleep
Woman 8: Okay.
Woman 9: I will
Woman 6: I will
Woman 7: I will
Woman 11: I will
Woman 2: Done, Wednesday at the home of Woman 12.
Woman 3: Yes
Woman 1: Girls, coming back to the braai.. do I buy half a kilo per person?
Woman 8: Yes
Woman 1: Ok, so I'll ask Pieter to buy
Woman 2: Ok… and what will we do about drinks?
Woman 3: Each one takes whatever they drink and that's it
Woman 9: I can't because I go straight from work
Woman 6: Well, Woman 1 better buy everything and split up later
Woman 1: Girls, I can't buy everything, does anyone give me a hand?
Woman 6: I'll help, what do you drink girls?
Woman 2: Coke Zero
Woman 4: Water
Woman 5: Natural juice
Woman 6: Sparkling water
Woman 9: Aloe water
Woman 3: Girls, can we buy Peach Iced tea?
Woman 8: Let's go to a restaurant girls,that's less effort
Woman 2: I think so too
Woman 4: Me too
Woman 6: Me too
Woman 7: Me too
Woman 9: Me too
Woman 11: Me too
Woman 12: Me too
Woman 1: Ahhh no girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we have to braai
Woman 2: Uhh crap…
Woman 4: I want water, but it has to be Bonaqua that has less sodium, so I don't get bloated
Woman 1: Girls, can we organize please ?????
Woman 2: Ok
Woman 6: Ok
Woman 4: Ok
Woman 9: Ok
Woman 5: Ok
Woman 8: Ok
Woman 11: I don't eat sausage either
Woman 5: (sending a chain) Girls… please share… The dog is called BOB… he got lost yesterday near the station, if everyone works together we can find him and get him bacl to his owners... They must be worried sick 😭
Woman 6: Yes, poor BOB
Woman 9: BOB is beautiful!! What breed is he?
Woman 5: I don't know ... got this on my yoga group
Woman 2: But do you know the owners?
Woman 5: No, but I felt sorry for BOB
Woman 1: Pieter called me from the butcher shop saying they don't have steak, what else should we get?
Woman 2: I prefer chorizo steak
Woman 4: Me too
Woman 1: Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he's at the butcher shop waiting for us to decide
Woman 6: I think it is unfair to always be like this, we are always the same ones that organize everything and nobody else is moved to do anything
Woman 10: Hi girls, I just woke up and I have 369 messages in our group, what happened?
Woman 3: I'll tell you ...
CONVERSATION CONTINUES....
*****
Today morning I shared with my wife the happy news that the Bank is going to increase the family pension from 15% to 30%.
"What is that? What is family pension?" She asked. She has never shown any interest in such matters.
Then I explained to her that I am getting 50% of my last drawn salary as pension. I also explained to her that after my death, she will receive 30% of my last drawn salary as pension. I then explained how much amount I am receiving as pension and how much she will receive after my death which works out to roughly 60% of my present pension.
She was confused and said "You worked for your Bank for 37 years and I can understand if they take care of you by paying a monthly pension. But why should the Bank pay me any pension after you cease to be even an ex-employee of the Bank?"
I smiled and said. "The Bank is so generous that they want to not only take care of me but also my family. That is the concept of family pension."
She was engrossed in her own thoughts for two minutes and said.
"You have been receiving pension from the Bank for almost ten years now. As per your own explanation 60% of that pension belongs to me. But all these years you are spending the entire amount merrily and when ever I ask for some thing, say a silk saree or a gold bangle, you always say no. How can you cheat your wife like this? From this month onwards transfer 60% of the pension you receive to my account without fail."
Without looking at my crestfallen face, she hurriedly left the room.
🤔😟🤪😎
********
Based on Republic's coverage of the SSR case, here are some Arnab Goswami jokes:
𝐴𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑥 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑, 𝐺𝑂𝐷 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑑, 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑅𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑊𝑅𝑂𝑁𝐺 ?
𝑆𝑜 ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑅𝑁𝐴𝐵 𝐺𝑂𝑆𝑊𝐴𝑀𝐼.
𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑔𝑢𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑢𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑓𝑒 & 𝑤𝑖𝑛.
𝐼𝑓 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑖 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖'𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑝𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑐 𝑏𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔.
𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝑀𝑎𝑛𝑚𝑜ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑆𝑖𝑛𝑔ℎ.
𝐼𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖'𝑠 𝑝𝑖𝑐 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑡ℎ 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑎 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑠ℎ𝑢𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑒𝑑.
𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝐸𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠ℎ & 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑖𝑛 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑧
ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑜𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑎.
𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑎 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 - "𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤"
𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑛𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑅𝑒𝑝𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑐 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑖𝑜 𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑖𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑛𝑒𝑤𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑠
𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑠𝑎𝑦𝑠 "𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑛𝑜𝑤", 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑠
𝑝𝑢𝑧𝑧𝑙𝑒𝑑 , 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑤 ?
𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 & G𝑜𝑜𝑔𝑙𝑒?
𝐵𝑜𝑡ℎ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒.
𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖'𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑚𝑠 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑 - 𝑀𝑒𝑟𝑎 𝑏𝑎𝑎𝑝 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑎𝑖.
𝐴𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝐺𝑜𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑌𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑈𝑛𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑦.
And the best:
When Arnab was born, the Doctors announced, "Mubaarak ho, bhadka hua hai"
*************
A few good Senior Moments
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
An elderly gentleman......
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet..
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh !!
********
Dilbert is an American comic strip and his one liners are famous. Here are some.
Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
3. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
4. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
5. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
6. Born free, taxed to death.
7. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
8. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
9. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
10. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
11. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
12. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
13. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
14. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
15. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
16. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
17. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
18. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
19. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
20. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
21. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
22. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
23. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
24. Someday is not a day of the week
25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
26. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
27. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
***
A bawaji shouted in the BANK.
Has anyone lost a bundle of currency notes tied with a red rubber band ?
Many hands were raised.
Bawaji - Here is that rubber band.
At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, 'Didn’t you understand my joke?'
The guy replied,
'Oh I understood but I resigned this morning.
A man meets his friend who has started wearing ear rings.
He asks "Since when did u start wearing earrings ?"
Friend
"Ever since my wife
found them in my car !!!
Some women are so concerned about their husband's happiness. ......
that they hire detectives to find out who is responsible for it....
The only 2 persons whom a woman listens carefully & follows Sincerely & does EXACTLY as he says are TAILOR & PHOTOGRAPHER. baki to woh kisi k baap ki bhi nahi sunti..
Police asked the Thief : Why did u go to Steal 3 times in d Same Store ?
The thief Replied : Sir, I Stole 1 Dress for my wife & went to Change It Twice !
A husband writing in his diary :
Shaadi se pehle bhagwaan se duaa maangi thi ki achha
PAKANE wali biwi dena.
Idiot, 'khana' mention karna hi bhool gaya !
****
एक भक्त,भगवान से रोज़ शिकायत करता था !
हे भगवान...
नोटबन्दी के कारण बहुत नुकसान हुआ है... !
GST के कारण बहुत मुश्किल है... !
पैट्रोल/डीज़ल की कीमत बढ़ गयी है... !
बिजली/पानी के रेट बढ़ गये हैं... !
सोना महँगा हो गया है... !
शेयर मार्किट में घाटा हो रहा है... !
ठंड बहुत है... !
गर्मी कितनी है... !
बरसात नहीं हो रही है... !
उमस बहुत है... !
बारिश बहुत है... !
ग्राहकी नहीं चल रही है ....
बाज़ार मन्दा है.... !
बीबी झगड़ालू है ...!
बच्चे हाथ से निकल गये हैं ..... !
भगवान बोले :
भाई तेरे को नीचे नहीं जम रहा हो तो ऊपर आ जा .....कोविड 19 की स्किम खुली है ।
भक्त:
नहीं नहीं प्रभु सब ठीक है !
***
***
PUTIN JOKES
Just as we have Ajit and Rajnikant jokes, in Russia they have Putin jokes.....
When Putin was late for school, the teacher punished the whole class for being early.
When Putin's phone rings in the theater, they pause the movie.
Doctor: "You have Cancer".
Putin: "Tell it, it has two weeks to live".
When Putin looks in the mirror, there's no reflection because there is only 1 Putin.
When Putin was born, he named his parents.
Russia didn't choose him, he chose Russia.
Putin Arriving at Foreign Country's Airport:
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
Putin calls 911 to ask what is their emergency.
Putin built the hospital in which he was born.
This guy never flushes the toilet, he just scares the shit out of it.
When Putin was born, he slapped the doctor for not crying.
When Putin didn't go to school, the school declared it a Holiday.
Stop calling him Russian James Bond. James Bond is British Vladimir Putin.
When Putin creates an account, the terms and conditions agree with him.
When Putin coughs, Covid wears a mask.
***
quiz
English is FULL of contradictions
1) Found Missing
2) Open Secret
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Clearly Misunderstood
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty Ugly
8) Seriously Funny
9) Only Choice
10) Original Copies
11) Exact Estimate
12) Tragic Comedy
13) Foolish Wisdom
14) Liquid Gas
15) Working Holiday
And The newest Mother of all is
16) "Social Distancing"
😂😄😂
: Forgot to mention * Happily Married !!!!
Beat this !!!
😀😀😀
***
I am a Cardiac surgeon working in a reputed hospital in Hyderabad.
Normally after I come out of the operation theatre after performing the procedure many anxious near and dear ones of the patient waiting outside eagerly ,rush to me and ask me many questions about the condtion of the patient ,success of the surgery etc .But recently I was asked a question by the patient's wife for which I had no answer.
With both eyes filled with tears ,she held both my gloved hands firmly and asked "Please tell me doctor. ..was there any other lady in his heart ?".... 😅😜🤪🤣
****
Getting Older
Laugh it out
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers..
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the 'John' and renamed it the 'Jim'. I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning".
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have grey hair; I have "wisdom highlights" I'm just very wise.
Don't ever ask me to bend down and touch my toes. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators We haven't met yet.
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes when I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
- I don’t have to go to school or work.
- I have a driver’s license and my own car.
- I get an allowance every month.
- I have my own ipad (although I can't recall where I kept it)
- I don’t have a curfew.
Life is great.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering…did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
Have a good chuckle. Laughter is a good Medicine
😀😀😀😀😀😀
***
Insults Coated With Humour & Wit a Great Combination -
Here are Some to Enjoy...
🪁 She dresses to kill -- and cooks the same way.
🪁 He was a premature baby --- He was born before his parents were married.
🪁 He was born in United States -- Terrible things happen in other countries too.
🪁 His obesity is surplus gone to waist.
🪁 He left his job because of illness and fatigue -- his boss was sick and tired of him.
🪁 His credit is so bad , he can not even borrow trouble.
🪁 He kept learning more and more about less and less, until now he knows everything about nothing.
🪁 What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up in stupidity.
🪁 He may talk like a fool and act like a fool, but don't get the wrong idea about him --- he is a fool.
🪁 It is not that he does not have presence of mind -- his trouble is absence of thought.
🪁 Her photographs do her injustice -- they look like her.
🪁 He is as phoney as a dentist's smile.
🪁 He started out in life as an unwanted child -- now he is wanted in 10 states.
🪁 She has a keen sense of rumour.
🪁 He is jack of all trades , and out of work in all of them.
🪁 They are in Iron and Steal Industry -- she irons the clothes and he steals.
🪁 She thought she was getting a model husband --- too bad he is not a working model.
🪁 He is so boring, he can not even entertain a doubt.
🪁 He gave a very moving performance , everyone moved to the nearest exit.
Enjoy........😀😀😀
***
According to RBI's new guidelines:
People who forget money in their pants & shirts and send them for washing, wll be immediately arrested on charges of Money Laundering. :😃 🤣🤣🤣
**
Tamil Names ..This is absolutely super!!
If Britishers can have names like their profession like Barber, Cook, Side Bottom, Shepherd, Clerk, etc, why can't Tamils?
Doctor -- Vaidyanathan
Dentist -- Pallavan
Lawyer -- Kesavan
Financier -- Dhanasekaran
Cardiologist -- Irudhayaraj
Pediatrist -- Kuzhandaisamy
Marriage Counselor -- Kalyanasundaram
Ophthalmologist --Kannayiram
ENT Specialist -- Neelakandan
Diabetologist -- Sakkarapani
Nutritionist -- Arogyasamy
Hypnotist -- Sokkalingam
Mentalist -- Budhisikamani
Exorcist -- Maatruboodham
Magician -- Mayandi
Builder -- Sengalvarayan
Painter -- Chitraguptan
Meteorologist -- Kaarmegam
Agriculturist -- Pachaiyappan
Horticulturist -- Pushpavanam
Landscaper -- Bhuminathan
Barber -- Kondaiappan
Beggar -- Pichai
Bartender -- Madhusudhan
Alcoholic -- Kallapiraan
Exhibitionist -- Ambalavaanan
Fiction writer -- Naavalan
Makeup Man -- Singaram
Milk Man -- Paul Raj
Dairy Farmer -- Pasupathi
Dog Groomer -- Naayagan
Snake Charmer -- Nagamurthi
Mountain Climber -- Yezhumalai
Javelin Thrower -- Velayudam
Polevaulter -- Thaandavarayan
Weight Lifter -- Balaraman
Sumo Wrestler -- Gundu Rao
Karate Expert -- Kailaasam
Kick Boxer -- Ethiraj
Batsman -- Dhandiappan
Bowler -- Balaji
Spin Bowler -- Thirupathi
Female Spin Bowler -- Thirupura Sundari
Driver -- Sarathy
Attentive Driver -- Parthasarathy.
Miss Universe - Trilokasundari
***
Omicron Virus Symptoms Basically Are The Same Feelings You Get When Your Wife Is Checking Your Phone...
-Difficulty In Breathing
-Sweating Profusely
-Weakness
-Headache
And when she asks who is Tina, the dry cough starts...😂
****
When Churchill and Bernard Shaw would meet, it used to be a battle of wits. On one occasion both were walking side by side. Then came a narrow passage. They had to follow each other.
Churchill said, "I will go first because I don't follow idiots." Shaw showed him to move ahead, saying, "but I do!"😊
***
Some of the symptoms and suggested cure to mitigate them tonight
😳
but take note of the following..
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly
6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure : Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
****
5 star hotel chef calls his wife n asks: whats d dinner?
Wife : Steamed fine long grain white rice hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil spicy soup that was gently simmered with the choiciest handpicked southern spices and the smouldering tang of organic tamarind
Husband : means 😳😳😳?
Wife : Anna... Saaru...
😠😝😜
***
Who are lizards?
Awesome answer
by a kid....
They are
those poor crocodiles who forgot to have
Horlicks when they were young
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a oothappam that went
abroad
for higher education
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What's the best example of "once in a
lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:😛
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
A little boy was in a bus
eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said,
"Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied,
"My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked ,
"Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied,
No, he was always minding his own business!
😜😂
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Son: Dad there's a small get together at school tomorrow !!!
Father: small get together.? ..how small
Son: only me...you...and principal ...
😂😂😂😂
***
THIS IS TRUTH
Why Indian Students are Disliked Abroad!
It was the first day of school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandra Subramanian entered the 4th grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandra, who had his hand up:
Chandra :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,'.
'Very good!
Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandra:- 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandra, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud stage whisper: 'Fuck the Indians.'
'Who said that?' she demanded. But Chandra put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandra says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandra jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said
'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandra frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against him in 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandra said quietly, 'Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008.
😀😀
***
Height of Fashion
Lungi with a zip.
Height of Laziness
Asking lift for morning walk.
Height of Craziness
Get blank paper xeroxed.
Height of Honesty
Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.
Height of De-Hydration
Cow giving milk powder.
Height of Hope
A 99 year old woman going for Rs 295/- recharge to get lifetime incoming.
Height of Stupidity
Looking through key hole of a glass door.
Height of Suicide Attempt
A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.
Height of Friendship
It’s when your friend runs away with your wife; and you are really worried for your friend!
Height of Attitude
A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him.
Please do not make noise by dropping coins! Use Currency Notes.
AND
THE ULTIMATE ONE
Height Of Work Pressure
An employee opens his Tiffin Box on the road side to see, whether he is going to office or coming back from office.
😅
****
One Line Humor .
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
***
Indrani Mukerji released from jail, a small Description on her exact crime case as follows..
She is 2nd wife of her 3rd husband is charged alongwith her 2nd husband for killing her daughter from her 1st husband who was having affair with her 3rd husband's son from his 1st wife..
***
Today is National Husband Appreciation Day .
Let us keep 2 minutes silence and read some quotes of great personalities.
First quote
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– Al Gore
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Barack Obama
When you are in love, wonders happen. But once you get married, you wonder, what happened.
- Steve Jobs
And the best one is…
Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by Beautiful Deers.
- Brad Pitt
National Husband Appreciation Day !! 💐😀
Laughter Therapy
While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents,
" I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life ".
Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents like I will keep your son happy for the rest of his life
Nooooo ... because women don't tell lies!
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad and uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Husband to wife : U should learn to embrace your mistakes…..
She hugged him immediately
😀😀😄🤣🤣
***
Best Slogans used in Mumbai 👍😄
1. Sign on a railway station at Dadar:
Aana free, jaana free, pakde gaye to khaana free.
2. Sign on a famous beauty parlor in Bandra :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother.
3. Sign on a bulletin board at Churchgate:
Success is relative, More the success,
More the relatives.
4. Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Mumbai:
We need your heads to run our business.
5. A traffic slogan at Santacruz:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be old.
6. THE BEST ONE BY INDIAN ARMED FORCES at Haji Ali Worli:
It's God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them & God.
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